Bob Cornwall/Faith in the Public Square/Commentary

Memories give meaning to life and to death, and since Monday is Memorial Day, it's appropriate for the living to remember the dead. Some religious traditions, especially in the East, burn incense in honor of their ancestors. In the West, people put flowers and flags on graves. We'll see a lot of flowers and flags Monday as we remember the many ways our deceased loved ones helped transform our lives.

Memorial Day was established to remember fallen soldiers. Especially because we live in a time of war, when young American women and men are falling in the line of duty, it's appropriate to remember their shortened lives and weep with their families. Whether we support the choice to go to war in Afghanistan and Iraq, we should remember our fellow citizens who are in harm's way. It's also proper to recognize the loss felt by families and to honor sacrifices made.

As our nation stops to remember soldiers, heroes, and great leaders, religious communities stop to remember their saints and martyrs. We remember those whose lives have given witness to something greater than themselves. In the Christian faith, we celebrate the resurrection and with it, the continuation of life after death. Yet, while death may have lost its sting for us, we still feel the loss of our loved ones deeply.

As a pastor I have found that memorial services and funerals, whether at the church, in a chapel, or at graveside, can be simultaneously moments of grief and joy. We grieve our loss but celebrate the blessings of a life lived well. There is, unfortunately, a trend to forgo funerals or memorial services. I've done enough services to know this is usually a mistake.

Often it's the deceased themselves who requested that no service be held, but these services aren't just for the departed, they're primarily for those left behind. No matter where the service is held, it gives family and friends a chance to gather up the memories and commit these memories to God.

They also provide an opportunity to sort through feelings and give thanks for having known this person. These services, whether simple or elaborate, allow the sharing of stories and the offering of words of love, comfort, and support to those closest to the deceased. It's interesting that death can often bind together the living in ways that are beyond comprehension. Death can be a sacred and holy moment that draws the living into communion with God and with one another.

Advertisement

Stopping to remember and celebrate a life that has come to an end can stir within us feelings of sorrow and grief, which probably is one reason why people choose to forgo such services. However, these feelings of grief are natural. We're supposed to feel this way, because not to grieve is not to care. Of course there are times when we know that death is a blessing, but that doesn't take away the reality of the loss we feel.

Death comes in many different ways. Sometimes it's expected, and sometimes it's not. When tragedy befalls us, whether as individuals or as a nation, we need to hear a word of comfort. The 23rd Psalm is a favorite passage at memorial services. This beautiful song promises that God is present like a shepherd, walking with us through dark valleys. A passage from the book of Revelation promises that a time will come when we “will hunger no more, and thirst no more . . . and then God will wipe away every tear from their eyes” (Rev. 7:16-17).

On this Memorial Day let us stop to remember our dead, and in the remembering, let us give thanks for their lives. Let us give thanks for lives lost in service to the nation and to the community. Let us also give thanks for every life that has enriched our own lives, for whether these lives have been long or short, each person has made a difference in the life of another. So, whether or not we participate in a formal service Monday, let us take a moment this weekend to silently remember and fix in our hearts the memories that have lit up our lives.

Dr. Bob Cornwall is pastor of First Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) of Lompoc (www.lompocdisciples.org). He can be contacted at lompocdisciples@impulse.net or at First Christian Church, P.O. Box 1056, Lompoc, CA 93438.

May 28, 2006